rwolfy

Hi ladies and gentleman (boys and girls)-

After my few month hiatus, I am back in full force.  I have had a TERRIBLE few months and I am too scared to even go on the scale.  Therefore, my weight ticker is SO out of date.  I have been eating, eating, drinking, and eating a lot.  I think that the stress of being a first year teacher whose co-teacher left to have a baby, school had a major fire, student is violent and aggressive, and ELA test are coming up have REALLY taken its toll on my body.

That is not ok, though.  No excuses, I am beginning today fresh.  No looking back.  I will lose the weight that I have put on so that I can be comfortable with my body again.

Hope you all are doing well… and if anyone would like a buddy to keep track of who will check on them, let me know

So after a bad weekend, I usually get right back on track.  I have not been terrible, but it has definitely been difficult to stay in my goal area of 1200 calories.  I am starting a brand new job (teaching) and I found that a new schedule really throws off healthy eating for me.  I wake up super early, have to wait 5 hours before eating anything, and then have to wait until the end of the day before eating again.  That would be ok if that were a normal breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but I wake up at 530, have lunch at 1130, and get off at 330.  My family eats dinner at 7 and it is very difficult to a. wait to have dinner with them, b. just have a small snack and then eat with them, or c. eat a real dinner and then have a snack with them.  Somehow, I manage to have two dinner-sized meals.  I know that I’m making excuses and need to find a way to make this work so that I don’t have way too many calories in one day.  Also, I find that in trying to keep up energy when I’m tired (from waking up at 5:30), I want to eat more.  AH!  I thought that a new schedule would give me an opportunity for a new start, but it actually makes it harder.

Hope you all are doing well!

I really am an awful blogger/diary keeper/writer/etc. when it comes to doing something habitually.  I was one of those kids who could never keep a journal or a diary and I attempted to start blogs many times before forgetting about them 48 hours later.  This website has been  so crucial in me getting back into shape.  I think the timing of where I am in my life and getting on here with the support and consistency of it has worked out as well as it could for me.  So far this week, I have gone to the gym three out of four days and stayed in the 1200-1300 calorie range.  I feel productive and I feel healthy.  I haven’t lost the weight as quickly as I thought I would, but I had already been eating fairly healthy.  I don’t really eat the high fat or high calorie food that many people cut out when they start a diet.  Therefore, this has been more about consistency, portion control, more exercise, and avoiding binges than actually hugely changing my eating habits or lifestyle.  I was extremely proud of myself yesterday and I know that my fellow bingers can relate.  If you have read my earlier blogs, you have learned that I will be teaching with two teeny-tiny women who eat whatever they want.  One is pregnant and the other scoffs at the idea of drinking diet soda (”who wouldn’t want to drink regular Pepsi”) and going to the gym (”good luck with that, you’ll never see me there.”)  We were having a planning session and they brought out tortilla chips.  I had too many.  About 30 Tostidos.  I wasn’t even hungry, but they were in front of me and I have been craving salt.  That’s not the proud of myself part.. haha   Normally, after eating anything unhealthy, I would figure the day was a throw-away day and binge.  Now, I realize that the binge is a punishment for not being perfect.  I’m sure that realization will not stop me from binging ever again, but this was a first big step for me.  I came home and ate a small dinner and a small snack at night.  I did not gorge myself when I got home.  That was a huge accomplishment for me.

Hope all is well with everyone!

Food Log

Exercise Log

First, I want to say thank you to all of my supportive buddies… coming on here and having people who really understand and who give out great advice really does motivate me to stay strong and take care of myself.  I really appreciate it.

So day 2 has been pretty successful, but I find that I am SO much better when I get a lot of sleep.  I am worried about what will happen when I start my job in the fall (I am a teacher).  Those hours are LONG and unless I can get myself into good sleep patterns, I will be tired.. and I am worried that I will eat to try to keep myself energized.  I don’t even realized that is why I am hungry at the time- but it does make sense.  Anyway, I am going to work on changing my sleep habits before school starts so that it isn’t a shock to my system to wake up at 530 (ah- don’t know how you amazing people do it).

I went to a kickboxing class with my sister today, but due to her Learning Disabilities, she has a hard time picking things up.  She got really frustrated after about 2 minutes and made me leave with her.  I begged her to go downstairs with me to the gym part with the cardio and weight machines, but she refused.  I had been waiting to go with her all day and by that time at night, it was too late to drop her off at home (she is younger, doesn’t drive) and return to the gym with enough time to work out.  Luckily, I have a treadmill at home and walk with a friend most nights.  I forget sometimes that the motivation of going to the gym (classes at the gym) with someone else is sometimes are not as motivational or productive as one may think.  This is especially true when you have different work out habits.  I was not angry with her, but it was frustrating.  I may have to go to the gym twice on days that I’m supposed to go with her (if I have the time) as to not rely on her stamina or patience for my own progress.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Food Log

Exercise Log

So I had a terrible weekend… by far the worst that I’ve had since I began here a few weeks ago.  I drank too much, ate too much when I was drunk (drunk munchies + lower inhibitions = calories, calories, calories), and had to eat unhealthy when I was hungover yesterday.  Truthfully, I had no expected to have a great weekend (it was a friend’s birthday, we had been planning this for ages), but I did not expect to go off as bad as I did.  Rather than harp on that, though, I decided just to pretend that I was starting over.  I do that well.  I do starting fresh better than being a week in.  I wish that it didn’t take the bad binge/eating to motivate me to be so good for a few days.  I wish that once I started, I could continue.  The truth is, though, that I always cheat after I’ve been good for a few days.  Just not usually this bad…

The good news is that I joined a gym last week.  I have been exercising a little a day.  When I push myself too much too fast, I start dreading working out because I associate it with pain.  I figure that something is better than nothing.  Besides that, I go with my sister and she is in terrible shape in terms of stamina, so I have to leave when she wants to.  That has worked to my advantage because I look forward to the gym. I used to spend hours in the gym and DREAD it.  I realized that hating the gym is not the way to go… that is not the way to create a lifestyle change, it is only the way to make a temporary change.

I’m not even going to bother weighing myself for a few days.   I had lost another pound and a half last week, but I never got a chance to put it in the tracker.  I don’t think I am going to  reward myself that way until I actually see it on teh scale this week (if I do after my awful weekend of eating everything)

Hope you all had a better eating/exercising weekend than I did!

Food Log

Exercise Log

Using all of my strength not to take my third diet coke of the day.  I am CRAVING it.  REALLLLY badly… Would it really be that bad to have another diet coke? Its not food… ahhh I’m so weak.  I’ve been eating well.   Ok I gave in.  A 3rd diet coke today.  So my mom said today that she can see a difference from the 138 that I started at, but I am frustrated to still beat 134 after having three or four REALLY good days.  I have been walking at night, but definitely not enough exercise to warrant gaining muscle versus losing weight like other people have. I drink water compulsively so that’s not it either… it just doesn’t make sense and I’m frustrated!

Food Log

Today was my first day of trying to cut down on diet coke.  So far, I have done pretty well– I had two today.  If I can stay consistent at 2 diet cokes per day this week, I am going to try to go down to 1/day next week.  After that, I’d LOVE to only have them from time to time.  We’ll see…

Anyway, ate well and exercised today.  Still can have some fruit, but my stomach hurts.  If I don’t eat enough today, I can always make up for it another day.  Slash I more than made up for it all weekend haha

Hope everyone else is doing well…

Food Log

So even though I had a few good days last week, I feel like I’m starting over.  This tends to be a trend with me on Sunday nights.  I used to REALLY let myself go on the weekends and it is really hard for me to snap out of that.  I wasn’t good this weekend, but not on the type of binges I used to have.  It is such an awful feeling to feel guilty about your eating.  I think part of my problem is the Diet Coke versus Water issue.  I know that a lot of people think that Diet Coke fills you, but that is really a temporary thing.  After, it makes you hungrier.  My problem is that I’m always tired and I have become very dependent upon the caffeine.  And, Diet Coke has become almost an addiction in itself, regardless of the caffeine.  My new mini-goal independent of weight is to cut down on Diet Coke.  a.  it is not healthy to be addicted to anything to the point that you can’t go a day without it without being absolutely miserable and craving it and b.  I do think that it might be impeding upon my weight loss progress and goals.  I am joining a gym this week, which I think is going to be super helpful and motivating.  I also have been down, which I think leads to my bad eating… so hopefully the combination of the gym itself, motivation of having gone to the gym to eat healthier, and the endorphins will help…

Hope everyone else had a better, more productive weekend then I did

I guess it could be worse, I’m worried about the state of my intestines in the middle of the night.  I anticipate a sleepless night full of gas pains and side cramps.  I guess its better than a night full of guilt and worry over binging on a jar of peanut butter (that’s why i live in a pb-free house), sticking a container of whole wheat pretzels in a container of low-fat cream cheese (no cream cheese either anymore), or a pint of ice cream (again, we only keep ice cream in the house in serving size form, like skinny cows).

Cramps are not an excuse not to exercise, but I used them anyway.  Back on exercising track tomorrow.  Or, actually, starting from scratch.

Food Log

It is incredibly difficult to eat well when you have the blahs… where should I start:

*Day 1 of miserableness (cramps, bloating, you know)

*Bad headcold

*Crappy mood for no good reason (hormones, perhaps?)

*Fell off the wagon yesterday (had a bad dinner with friends when I was starving- hence my 1 day disappearance from the site, it depressed me too much to document it)

Anyone have any ideas of how to jump right back into being good when every ounce of your body does not want you to at all?

Half of me wants to throw my face in ice cream because my throat hurts… half of me wants chocolate and salt to counter my body.

… to better days

Hope everyone else is doing better